Friendships Bloom and Sometimes Die

Friendships-min

Last year was a tough one for me with regards to friendships. I lost two people that I thought I was pretty close to, and I honestly do not know why. When people make a decision to leave your life and do not tell you what the problem is it is hard. It will leave you wondering, and it will leave you hurt.

How can someone that you shared so much with wake up one morning and decide that they no longer want to be in your life? It makes you think that it was something that you did. But it shouldn’t. If someone decides to leave your life then let them. While it might hurt you it shows more about them than it does about you.

Also remember that not everyone has the same heart that you do. This has been very hard for me to acknowledge and accept as well. I am that friend who will drop everything if you need me. I’ll come to your house at 02:00 if you’re going through something and need to talk.. So it’s hard for me when people are not like that. Please do not get me wrong – I am not saying that I expect all of my friends to be like that. Not at all. I know that everyone is different and everyone shows their love in different ways; I get that. That is why some friendships work. But it can be hard when you need someone and no one is there.

I think that when you’re that person and friends still kick you out of their lives it is even harder. I mean what else is there that you could have done? Let us also remember that everyone has problems and everyone has busy lives. Just because someone doesn’t message you back right away or is not always available, it also does not mean that they do not care. Life happens.

Saying goodbye to friendships is something that I have been doing all of my life. There are people from high school that I thought would be bridesmaids at my wedding (one day) and we do not talk anymore. But it also means that at this stage in my life I am looking for stayers. I am looking for people that are willing to be there. I am looking for someone that will be willing to go for midnight ice-cream runs, and spontaneous road trips, and people who will bring chocolate to me when I have had a bad day. Also, just having someone to talk to on WhatsApp would be great!

Knowing that people have chosen not to have me in their life is hard but knowing that it gives me the time and opportunity to find people who will care about me makes it all better.

Have you ever had a friendship break up and not know why? Ever been the one to say goodbye and not give a reason? Let me know in the comments below!

Love,

Kirsty

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26 Comments

  1. January 13, 2017 / 17:43

    I’m sort of on the other side of this in that I tend to collect people – even if they aren’t good for me. Over the years, I’ve collected a group of people who I’m realizing are utterly toxic to me, so I’ve been working on choosing my people more carefully – and letting go of people who aren’t healthy for me.

    • Kirsty Hoggons
      January 14, 2017 / 12:31

      Ah I am sorry to hear that but I am glad that you are letting go of those people 🙂

  2. Emma
    January 13, 2017 / 20:39

    I recently lost a friend who was like a sister to me. I’d definitely say it was so much harder than any breakup I’ve ever been through. But I think that’s just a part of life, friends come and go! 🙂 x

    • Kirsty Hoggons
      January 14, 2017 / 12:31

      I am so sorry to hear that, but sadly that is very true! x

  3. January 13, 2017 / 23:00

    I went to primary school and high school with my best friend and we were inseparable, at-least until she got a new best friend and I wasn’t required anymore. It made me feel wasteful and nasty, and I soon realized that friendships are a bit overrated. I’m happy being on my own more than I am around people now x

    http://www.sheintheknow.co.uk

    • Kirsty Hoggons
      January 14, 2017 / 12:30

      Such a similar thing happened to me! I completely understand were you are coming from x

  4. January 14, 2017 / 12:39

    I actually lost a friend of fourteen years. No reason. No explanation. Nothing. I don’t think people who do that, realize how much is messed up the person they’re leaving behind without a reason. Someone told me that people outgrow people. But even so, tell a person. Not just leave and leave them hurt and wondering why all the time. I can’t understand why leave after 14 years of friendship. I really don’t.

    I will never understand people really. That is why I feel I’m better off alone with no one to hurt me. It’s

    • Kirsty Hoggons
      January 16, 2017 / 16:09

      I also do not think that people realise how they have made others feel. I agree, even if you outgrow someone you can find a moment to talk to them about it. Getting close to people always opes the door to getting hurt sadly x

  5. January 14, 2017 / 17:25

    I’m so sorry you lost two friendships. I’m like you I would bend over backwards for a friend yet my so called best friend would only call me when she wanted something. She would let me arrange things to do together but never show up. It took me about three years of this to make me realise she was never a true friend (we had known each other since we were 4) – I’m 27 and best friendless but I’m much happier for it.

    http://www.hayleyloves.uk

    • Kirsty Hoggons
      January 16, 2017 / 16:07

      I am so sorry that you had to go through that! It makes me really sad but it is better to have people you can rely on x

  6. January 14, 2017 / 17:36

    I’m exactly the same. My best friend just sort of phased me out last year. I think I started doing the same once I’d found out she’d had a party at her house for our friends, but she didn’t invite me 🙁 I don’t really know why and I’ve learnt not to care because I have some other truly amazing friends around me! xx

    • Kirsty Hoggons
      January 16, 2017 / 16:07

      Ah no I am so sorry to hear that! It is great to have amazing friends 🙂 x

  7. January 14, 2017 / 17:37

    Wow this post resonates with me so much. I realised after Sixth form that I didn’t like my friends and so ceremoniously dropped them. It was one of the best and worst decisions of my life. I was so lonely, and I struggle with loneliness now, as I really don’t have many friends at all.

    I’ve reconnected with a friend on the bus lately – we get the same bus to work at 7am – and it’s been lovely! After 3 years of silence it just bloomed again. We’re not near the whole ‘lets go shopping this saturday’ friend stage. But each morning we have a 10 min chat about life, school and jobs. Friendship truly does bloom.

    Ellie | EllesBellesNotebook

    • Kirsty Hoggons
      January 16, 2017 / 16:06

      I struggle with loneliness as well! But I am so glad that you managed to reconnect with a friend x

    • Kirsty Hoggons
      January 16, 2017 / 16:05

      I suppose it is part of life but it is still so unfortunate x

  8. January 14, 2017 / 18:04

    I have definitely grown apart from my friends at home ever since i moved to university but on the up side i have definitely made friends for life there (or at least i hope so) There are ups and downs to everything but we all just have to get up when we are down and keep going!

    • Kirsty Hoggons
      January 16, 2017 / 16:04

      Ah I am so pleased to here that you have made some new friends x

  9. January 14, 2017 / 18:52

    This is probably one of the toughest life lessons to learn!! I came to my senses within one friendship last year – I was putting all the effort in and getting nothing in return! Once I realised that some friendships are just toxic in nature it was easier to let them go!

    Dani x | http://www.simplycourageous.co.uk

    • Kirsty Hoggons
      January 16, 2017 / 16:04

      That makes a lot of sense! x

  10. Serena
    January 14, 2017 / 18:56

    I’ve lost a few friends recently, so I know how you feel. But some friendships aren’t meant to be and now you have the chance to meet people who will stick around for longer 🙂

    • Kirsty Hoggons
      January 16, 2017 / 16:03

      That is very true 🙂

  11. January 14, 2017 / 18:59

    Calling time on a friendship is hard- sometimes it hurts more than a breakup! In time you realise it’s for the best though. I’ve had to do it before and lost contact with people who I thought would be there for life. It’s a hard lesson to learn and it can be lonely at times but it does help you realise what you want and how much you’re really worth.

    X

    • Kirsty Hoggons
      January 16, 2017 / 16:03

      It can be lonely but it does make you appreciate the people that really care x

  12. February 18, 2017 / 18:19

    Yes, some friends are seasonal I learnt.
    I had a few besties I lost, they just decided we could no longer be friends. And I am one of those people who go out of my way for people.
    Seasonal friends, it’s their own problem or issue if they lose out on your friendship. They loss. You are amazing, remember that.

    • Kirsty Hoggons
      February 20, 2017 / 16:29

      You are so right! Some people don’t see or appreciate good friendships and that really is just their loss!

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